Tarleton’s Barry B. Thompson Student Center Ballrooms were a sea of color and conversation as Cross Timbers Family Services hosted its fifth annual Better Beginnings Brunch fundraiser.
Well-dressed guests enjoyed a fabulous brunch and drinks served by Tarleton catering, bid a large variety of silent auction items and shopped at the Mustard Seed Jewelry tables, where 30% of proceeds went to CTFS efforts.
Guests were also shown video presentations of the previous annual brunches and a spotlight on Lea Contreras with Not Too Shabby Boutique, who spoke highly of the volunteer training program. People can donate professional wear at her store and ask that proceeds go to CTFS and its mission of helping victims of violence.
This year’s program centered on the secondary victims of domestic violence, with Amelia De Los Santos speaking as a survivor.
De Los Santos is the Houston Division Counsel for the Drug Enforcement Administration, acting as legal advisor to 750 agents, employees and task force officers.
She said she was encouraged to speak by her daughter after learning about CTFS and the subject of this year’s event.
“It’s like a dirty little secret that you don’t want others to know because they’ll feel different about you,” admitted De Los Santos of surviving domestic violence.
The guest speaker then told the story of her mother, Becky and growing up with her in Pennsylvania.
She said her mother could do anything from sewing clothes and playing music at her church to running a successful bakery with clientele that included Merv Griffin.
Following her parents’ divorce, Amelia’s mom brought home a boyfriend named Bob. In his introduction to Amelia and her sister, he said he knew he couldn’t impress them so he wouldn’t try.
He moved in with the family shortly and would drink and scream all the time. Amelia said she also quickly realized he took drugs.
Amelia said he turned violent towards Becky after the kids went to bed.
She said she tried to tell others about the abuse but her stories were either not believed or not reported.
The speaker recounted two particularly violent episodes, one in which the kids huddled off to bed after a rampage where he was breaking things and another after he was kicked out and he threatened the family’s lives. They called the police who told them to turn out the lights and wait upstairs while they responded.
“We waited for him to get in the house and kill us,” said De Los Santos.
After these incidents, Amelia went to see her father in Texas, who finally realized the severity of the situation and started working to get custody of the Amelia, her sister and brother so they wouldn’t be around Bob.
Their father was able to claim custody on Amelia and her sister but were fought for custody on their 7-year-old brother, who Bob wanted to keep around.
Amelia said they were able to convince a local newspaper to run a positive story about Bob, Becky and the son gardening together to sway public opinion and convinced the officer they were happy together. Bob also convinced Becky to file a report that bruises she received were from her oldest daughter and not him.
After a 13-year-old Amelia testified at the custody hearing, Bob cornered her coming out of the bathroom to threaten and intimidate her.
Amelia said she ‘can only imagine’ what her brother witnessed when she and her sister weren’t there.
She said it all ended on Nov. 14, 1986 after an order of protection was delivered against Bob. Amelia said they believe he came to the house with a gun and threatened her son unless she went with him.
They got into an argument and as he tried to flee his vehicle, Bob shot her in the back six times.
Amelia said the entire cycle from being introduced to Bob to her mother’s death was 11 months.
“It’s shocking to me even as an adult that something like this could happen so quickly,” said De Los Santos.
A trooper said investigation into Bob’s background released he was abusive of his first wife and had abused a previous girlfriend so badly that she fled and went into hiding.
Bob was presented a plea bargain and served 12 years for 3rd degree murder.
“I felt like I became an adult at age 13 because my childhood was stolen from me,” she said. “I miss that unconditional love that only a mom can give.”
Amelia said she felt that everyone failed her mom when she needed help. The experience led her to a path to her work with the DEA so she can work to stop lives lost to drug abuse.
“That’s what healing looks like for me,” she said.
She said people can work to break the cycle of abuse by doing things like supporting organizations like CTFS financially or with time; contribute by not saying things like ‘she must want to stay’ or ‘that’s a family issue’ when it looks like someone is being abused; take responsibility for getting help when you see it’s needed; take all reports of abuse seriously and understand that domestic violence crosses all boundaries and can happen in any home.
“Please be on the look out for the Beckies of this world who need your help,” said De Los Santos. “Their lives depend on it” CTFS offers a 24-hour hotline for any victim of violent crime, family violence or sexual assault: 866-9344357.
To learn about the organization and how to help, visit crosstimbershelps.org.