They say that there are families by blood and families you choose. I think you start to respect both of these bonds more the older you get.
As I became an adult, I started to recognize how much work my parents did both in and outside of the house to make sure I had a good life and felt supported.
By the same token, you treasure the bonus parents you get more with time. This includes people like my Aunt Vicky and Uncle Joe who took an active role in my life, but it also includes the parents of friends.
Supportive parents not only go out of the way for their child but for their child’s friends and make them feel seen and welcome. Wyndi’s mom always invites Wyndi’s childhood best friend over when we’re around and often asks how she’s doing. My lifelong friends won’t let a conversation pass without asking about my parents or telling me to give them a hug.
As a lifelong insomniac, I would usually be the last to sleep and first one awake at a sleepover. With my friends being late risers, I would go to the kitchen and talk with their parents and help make breakfast if they wanted. The conversations I would have in those mornings or with the families in the evening are treasured memories. Not only did I get to know them but looking back, I could tell qualities they got from their parents and how they grew up to be the person I call my friend.
Danny and I have been friends for 29 years. (It feels both good and bad to say a number that big). In Junior high and High School, we would often go to each other’s houses. Danny has told me how sweet my Mom is and how interesting my Dad is and how welcoming both were. He particularly found it nice how they asked his favorite soda and kept buying it even though none of us drank it.
Danny’s mom was a little crazy, but could be a lot of fun and I enjoyed joking around with his family. I didn’t get to know his dad, Dan, a lot as a kid because he was busy with a dairy and business, but he always seemed nice and was always welcoming.
Since Danny and I have remained friends for years, I got to know him as an adult though. Just because you’re not a kid doesn’t mean that relationship goes away.
Dan has put me up in his house several times when I went to go visit the family. He bought me dinner for accomplishments and during hardships.
We also had many interesting conversations over the dinner table, and when I was old enough, over a very nice glass of scotch. (Coffee and scotch lover—I fit the newspaper stereotype nicely.)
Through these conversations, I realized just how generous he was and how interesting his life and insight were. He enjoyed a good challenge and that led to several breakthroughs in the dairy industry and elsewhere. He also loved good food and sharing it with others and was just present in the moment when you were talking with him, genuinely listening and offering his views. He also was the epitome of a family man, truly proud of his children and wanting to support them however he could.
The obituary of Dr. Dan Loper can be found on page A4. Wyndi had a chance to meet him and enjoyed his company, but wasn’t aware of his rich life until we were helping proofread it. She asked for more details a couple of times when reading it. As impressive as the resume is, the man meant a lot more.
I’ve seen the dynamic of bonus parents within my family and around the community even today. Treasure those bonds. They mean a lot.
— Paul Gaudette is the Managing Editor of The Dublin Citizen and can be reached via email at publisher@ dublincitizen. com.