One For The Ages

It isn’t fair that some people never seem to age. Or that others age early.

We all had that one kid in our class who had a baby face when we were children, and they still do.

Then, there was the kid in the class who appeared to be in the 16th grade from the third grade on. The beard and mustache is what always threw people off.

And the kid who looked young all the way from when they were young, up until today? Today, they still get carded for a drink, even though they’ve been on Social Security for three years.

I was that young kid. For a while.

Well into my 30s, people thought I was, at times, half my age. Instead of being the kid who could get in anywhere without being carded, I was accused (more than once) of having a fake ID.

Even though it was a stateissued ID and was very much real. And, I was married with two kids in middle school.

My mother would tell me: “One day, you’ll be glad you look younger.”

But at the time, I just wanted to look my age.

Time passed, and the aging came. I think the stress of trying to prove I was older is what aged me.

However, there are those in my class who’ve held onto their youth. Not many, but a few.

We all had that one kid in our class, usually a guy, who looked older. I mean, looked like he’d finished college, served two terms in Vietnam, and was back in town, older.

That was because he was shaving in the third grade.

Seriously, we had a kid a couple of grades behind me who had a full beard when he was in eighth grade. Later, when he took a date to his junior high prom, the photo looked like he took his kid sister as a date.

Now, we laugh about it. But back then, guys struggled to find every advantage possible in the dating game.

It wasn’t bad enough that you and acne were on a first name basis; you were lanky and weighed 135 soaking wet; and if you did have a car, it had belonged to your grandmother before you got it.

When one of your competitors for the ladies looked more like Burt Reynolds than you did (or in some cases, he looked more like Burt Reynolds than Burt Reynolds did), you just didn’t feel like you had much of a chance.

And usually, the same earlyonset testosterone that put the guy light years ahead of the rest of us, also gave him some amazing athletic prowess.

He could throw, catch, run, and excel much better than everyone else.

And don’t think for a minute that the girls didn’t notice the guy who looked older. They did.

But, time does tend to even things out. Eventually.

The guy who looked older could only date one girl in your school at a time (unless he wanted to risk getting caught), which at least left the rest of us fellas with a fighting chance.

We learned to develop other skill sets. Some of us worked on learning to play a musical instrument or two. The Beatles had girls chasing after them. Some of us thought it might work for us.

Other guys decided that a sense of humor might get some of the ladies’ attention. Funny does attract the girls. Steve Martin and Robin Williams proved that.

Writing is also an avenue where a guy can show his stuff. Think of all of the writers who’ve proven that. There’s, uh. And then there’s. Well, I’m sure there are plenty o f examples. As for the other guys in the class who didn’t look older early on, eventually, the rest of us started to shave. Some of us may have even had lamb chop sideburns our senior year.

And some of us still looked like we were eighth graders, two decades after we attained the right to vote.

What causes some of us to age young, never age, or look our age? We now know it’s genetics.

And maybe holding on to grudges.

I’m just glad I’m not one of those guys who’s still bitter.

— John’s books, Puns for Groan People and Write of Passage: A Southerner’s View of Then and Now Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, are available on his website TheCountryWriter. com, where you can also send him a message.