The Defeat of De Feet

As we were waiting for the school board to return from executive session Monday night, several school staff members and I started a casual conversation. This isn’t uncommon.

It is rare that the topic turns to personal injuries though. One person talked about accidentally stepping on a scorpion over the weekend and the pain that resulted.

I immediately winced.

Why? Well, I’ll share the stories with you like I did with them. (One of my favorite movies is “Jaws” and the scene where the character actors share injuries/horror stories has taught me that that is the proper way for people to bond.)

My ex was all about Christmas so we had tons of decorations in our apartment. That meant when the package of ornament hooks spilled all over the carpet, there were a lot to pick up. We spent a good 20 minutes scouring for the thin pieces of metal, only for me to find a new one sticking in to my foot every other day for two weeks as I walked across the living room. This was capped off by me accidentally slipping on her vinyl craft bag by the coffee table.

My foot immediately hurt so I fell to the couch with my foot in the air. My ex and friend stared for a second and uncomfortably laughed. The entire pin cushion was in my foot, blunt end first. I gripped the arm rest as they pulled the six that remained out one at a time, expressing sympathy but still laughing at the situation.

The last one didn’t budge though so they had to get pliers to remove the heavy gauge needle.

Those at the meeting Monday night visibly reacted, even under face masks. Our shared experiences got to fish hooks and my trip to the hospital as a kid to remove several barbed hooks from my feet, and one of the people asked me and the o t h e r person sharing horror stories why we didn’t wear shoes. I didn’t have a good answer.

It didn’t occur to me until telling these stories one after another how my feet are adept at finding every painful object on the ground, and I didn’t even get to the time I fell into a cactus patch and fire ant bed at the same time as a very young child.

I guess I’m asking for some house shoes for Christmas. On behalf of me and my tortured tootsies, I’d advise everybody else to do the same.

Gaudette is the managing editor at the Dublin Citizen and can be reached at 445-2515 and publisher@ dublincitizen.com.